Accepting Acceptance


So I usually don't open up to many people about my feelings, but as of lately I've been doing a lot of reflecting on this past year. Quite honestly I think I've just realized how different things are now. About a year ago from this moment of time I was an emotional mess. I was preparing for senior year, starting my lasts, and going through my first break up. Since I've moved on from that time in my life, I really haven't felt much... And by that I mean I haven't felt super sad, or angry, or overly happy for that matter. I've just kind of been.. here, alive, living. This sounds great thinking about it but I kind of miss having those feelings of being overly happy, and dare I say, even sad. 

Now, this year has also given me the opportunity to work on myself and accepting life as it is in the moment. Ah yes, acceptance has been a huge part of this past year for me. Some things were easier to accept than others. For example, it was too easy to accept my acceptance to the college of my choice. It was easy to finally get to accept my high school diploma, but some things like being on my own again took a few months to accept. 

Let's just talk break ups for a real hot second.

They suck. Like really really suck. 

Even if it was "for the better" or just a "bump in the road", they suck. 

You go from talking to someone almost everyday for weeks to months to years and one day everything changes. They're gone just like that. And you're telling me that I'm just supposed to get over it? Ummmm, no. It's only a matter of time before you can accept that it really was for the better, but dang, did I mention they suck?

Anyways, it probably took me around 3 months to get over what once was. And the day I woke up okay again was a glorious day let me tell ya. But it wasn't until recently that I fully accepted being on my own, and quite honestly I'm okay with that. I've really taken this year to reflect on what broke me and what helped build me back up. 

So here I sit almost 365 days later. 365 days ago I was: broken, sad, hopeless, angry, relieved, and empty to be completely honest. And this has only made me realize how much can change in a year. Because today I am: confident, content, strong, a f**king #GirlBoss, and making so much more of myself that I should have been doing a year ago. And all it took was acceptance - Acceptance of myself, of finding my way again, of the amazing people that were there for me the whole time, and acceptance that one door closes for a better one to open. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I saying that I need a significant other to be happy or breaking up is the only solution to finding your way again. I admire people's friendships and relationships that cheer each other on and help each other find their ways.

But, for those of you who are feeling stuck and empty and like life won't be okay again, know that it might take a little tug at the heart to get back on track again. That short amount of time of feeling hurt or disappointed is so worth the long run of truly feeling content with life again and accepting that something good will come out of the bad. And I am so grateful for the people and situations that got me here a year later.