Trying On New Identities

Since as early as middle school, I have come around to being multiple personalities and trying on new identities. Each year it seems like I'm shedding off an old layer that didn't fit me, or trying on a new one in the dressing room of the mall. From the tom-boy, basketball shorts, and Crocs phase, to the discovery of makeup, push-up bras, and hair straighteners, you could say I've had my fair share of the embarrassing middle school personalities. Those are the best ones though, right? During that time of our lives we just went with what we thought would get us through each day confidently. No matter how much we may resist looking back at pictures to avoid mom saying, "I told you would regret that outfit" , we can't deny that those truly were the oddest, yet most self learning days we may have ever lived. 

Being able to confidently walk around in this skin of mine that I've come to love feels like I've accomplished it. I've accomplished this whole "finding myself" and being happy with it too.  But as we've all learned, how you feel on the outside can't come close to what's going on inside. I may have found my "look" since middle school, but now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to find purpose. I'm looking for the things that make me want to jump out of bed in the morning. I haven't found it yet, and I'm getting impatient. 

I think the problem is that I'm trying to grow up too fast. I see the point of success I want to reach, and want that life so badly right now. People in their young twenties are creating amazing things and traveling. They're doing so much to make themselves feel purposeful and remarkable. Of course they're still finding themselves too - I don't think anyone is ever quite done exploring different parts of their life. That part of my life is coming, perhaps faster than I think it is. Just as I did in middle school, I've been trying on new identities and interests. And from this I've come to learn that whatever passion you have today, do something about it. It may not be your passion tomorrow and that's okay. To get to that point of success and wholeness, we are forced to go back into the dressing room and try on the next thing. Once something clicks, big things are going to come out of it. Your purpose will have never felt so close. 

WriteHannah MauserComment